Well, that's just silly.
May. 1st, 2009 07:09 amI know I said I would post here more often, and then promptly disappeared for a week, but I have a good excuse! The kids and I have all been sick for a little over a week. It wasn't anything serious, just a cold/allergies with a mild cough, although it's been enough to make mommy a waste of flesh most of the day.
I've really been struggling with feelings of inadequacy for months, and lately it's coming to a head, I guess. I feel fairly paralyzed by it all. Well, that and an ugly, inky depression.
Every day, I am inspired and intimdated by people like Leo Babatua from Zen Habits,![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
missviolet from Lime & Violet, especially, but also Blogger Dad, Writer Dad, and my friend Dani from Danidocrafty. I see them accomplish so much, every day it seems, and I look at my to-do list with items from four months ago still uncompleted.
I guess it's just an ego thing for me. Why can't I do that?
My left brain is being completely reasonable about the whole thing.
I know they don't have my life, raising two very young children while coping with an absent husband with emotional problems, no job, little income, depression, and more.
I know they have different experiences and education that may help what they do.
I know they work differently than I do.
I know they have different motivations/ambitions.
But every night I go to bed dismally aware of how very little I've accomplished that day. I try to be reasonable and not put more than 3 or 4 Must Do's (MIT's from Zen Habits) on my daily lists, yet somehow I don't even manage that most days, sometimes even ending up in the negative on my to do list (trust me, it's possible).
I just find myself so deeply disatissfied with my life right now. I don't want to be who I am or where I am. It makes me very sad to say that considering I have two wonderful children (but don't we all say that) who are consistently amazing and sweet. Of course, acknowledging those two facts really doesn't help the situation because then I feel extremely ungrateful for what I do have.
It's a bit mind-boggling how little I can get done in one day, especially when you consider how many hours I have available to me. I wake up between 5 and 6 and don't go to bed until 9 or 10, usually. That gives plenty of time to get just a little something done. Yet day after day, little to nothing. I feel immobilized by my fear of being inadequate. Perhaps I don't even try because either a) I likely won't be able to finish my task or b) it won't be good enough and I'll have to redo it.
I'm not trying to be perfect, I don't want to be Super Woman or Wonder Woman. I just want to be a Woman I am proud to be.
I've really been struggling with feelings of inadequacy for months, and lately it's coming to a head, I guess. I feel fairly paralyzed by it all. Well, that and an ugly, inky depression.
Every day, I am inspired and intimdated by people like Leo Babatua from Zen Habits,
missviolet from Lime & Violet, especially, but also Blogger Dad, Writer Dad, and my friend Dani from Danidocrafty. I see them accomplish so much, every day it seems, and I look at my to-do list with items from four months ago still uncompleted.I guess it's just an ego thing for me. Why can't I do that?
My left brain is being completely reasonable about the whole thing.
I know they don't have my life, raising two very young children while coping with an absent husband with emotional problems, no job, little income, depression, and more.
I know they have different experiences and education that may help what they do.
I know they work differently than I do.
I know they have different motivations/ambitions.
But every night I go to bed dismally aware of how very little I've accomplished that day. I try to be reasonable and not put more than 3 or 4 Must Do's (MIT's from Zen Habits) on my daily lists, yet somehow I don't even manage that most days, sometimes even ending up in the negative on my to do list (trust me, it's possible).
I just find myself so deeply disatissfied with my life right now. I don't want to be who I am or where I am. It makes me very sad to say that considering I have two wonderful children (but don't we all say that) who are consistently amazing and sweet. Of course, acknowledging those two facts really doesn't help the situation because then I feel extremely ungrateful for what I do have.
It's a bit mind-boggling how little I can get done in one day, especially when you consider how many hours I have available to me. I wake up between 5 and 6 and don't go to bed until 9 or 10, usually. That gives plenty of time to get just a little something done. Yet day after day, little to nothing. I feel immobilized by my fear of being inadequate. Perhaps I don't even try because either a) I likely won't be able to finish my task or b) it won't be good enough and I'll have to redo it.
I'm not trying to be perfect, I don't want to be Super Woman or Wonder Woman. I just want to be a Woman I am proud to be.
