artemis_rising: (Default)
...or just post about it in your (mostly) anonymous blog!

The husband texted me Sunday night, after I'd spent half of Saturday and all of Sunday worrying/wondering if he was even ALIVE. No apologies until I said that I'd been worried. No explanations. No volunteering any information. Nothing.

So I'm not speaking to him. Maybe tonight or tomorrow I'll explain why I'm upset (because he seriously doesn't get how his actions effect other people; one of the ways he's so emotionally child-like) but maybe not.

Today, I'm reading a bunch of Havi Brook's blog and I am IN LOVE with this woman's words.

Right now, I'm in the middle of her International Borekas and Repression Day. I'm sad for her loss, but I love the idea of taking a reprieve from whatever tension/stress/depression that muddles up our day all the time. I think I'll take my IBR Day today.

artemis_rising: (Default)
Funny how the 140 character limit can inspire thought that go way beyond that.

I started this train of thought on Plurk this evening, please forgive me as I copy/paste some of it here.

ArtemisOrange knows that she doesn't need to be the only one on the planet who takes care of her husband emotionally and psychologically, knows that he is probably (subconsciously) using it as a manipulative tactic, but it's also a genuine problem. He retreats and loses friends and then retreats some more, and when he peeks his head out, there isn't anyone around to help him get back to the surface may be the only one, and it may be exhausting and depressing and almost too-much to handle, but I'm also not going to be the one who leaves him out in the cold. I go, and he really has no one left that can really be there for him. He has a crazy sister who is even worse off than he is, and a grandfather who means well but is rather oblivious. Anyone else, he's pushed out and away from his true self.

ArtemisOrange wonders how the hell she's supposed to make it work better.

This week, Jon has been showing suicidal trends again, this time, with more intensity. No, he isn't coming out and saying "I'm going to kill myself." That usually doesn't create a cause for worry. But when the person suddenly decides they are going to throw out/sell/give away almost all of their earthly possessions, makes statements like 'no one needs me, my children don't need me, soon they'll forget about me,' it tends to make one paranoid about their intentions.

I've asked his grandfather, whom he lives with, and our friend Devin to keep visual and virtual tabs on him so at least I'm not the only one bearing this.

It worries me that Jon is going to be home alone all weekend while his granddad is out camping.

But I can't even type anymore because I'm so exhausted and spread too thin.

Because no one will save ME from the black sludge in MY head. I just have to watch out for him. I'm the last one who can.

September 2010

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